When the Beatles Hit America de John Wesley Harding

Two, alrightDue to a miracle marketing strategyBeyond the realms of reasonable possibilityIt is announced simultaneouslyOn radio, DAT, compact disc and TVThat John, Paul, George and RingoThey're going to be reforming as The Beatles in 1993(I got that bit wrong)And things skip into action immediatelyGeorge buys the film rights in a flurry of activityAnd Paul says they're not going to play JapanRingo cancels his five-year chat show planAnd John, who was never the quiet oneJohn stays silent for the time beingAnd the world singsWhen the Beatles hit AmericaWhen the Beatles hit AmericaIt’s gonna be sponsored by Private Issue, Ringo's credit cardWhen the Beatles hit AmericaWhen the Beatles hit AmericaAnd lawyers start to draw up large contractsInvolving sponsorship, t-shirt deals, and Michael JacksonThey're interviewed on live TVAbout management deals and corporate policyWho's gonna be the new manager of The Beatles?(Well, I updated this bit)The new manager's gonna beRobert Shapiro and Johnny CochraneAnd George says he's not even, even gonna playUnless they bring the MaharishiWell, the Fab Four are interviewed on live TVBut for some reason they’re just the Fab ThreeWith a cardboard cutout of JohnWearing a very strange smile with no shoes onWhich starts a libelous "John is Dead" rumourWhich Rolling Stone reveals is just hype for the tour(Well done, boys)The world singsWhen the Beatles hit AmericaWhen the Beatles hit AmericaSponsored by Pizza Hut—Crust FirstWhen the Beatles hit AmericaWhen the Beatles hit AmericaWell, The Who, The Stones, Debbie Gibson and Diana RossRecord a supergroup single at very great costBut it's so hard to make the charts'Cause everyone's taken the new Beatles to heartFrom the time of the announcement of the gigTo the gig on Che Stadium(Named, as all you Rutles fans know, after the Cuban guerrillaChe Stadium)Every record on the top forty on both sides of the AtlanticFor three whole years is written by Lennon and McCartneyExcept "Something"That's the only one by George Harrison anybody can rememberFinally they get into the studio—guess what?They're gonna be co-produced by George Martin and Jeff LynneAnd Ringo's disappointed to find thatNo one needs him anymore except for the vibeBecause he's now been sampledYou can download it off your computerYeah, George gets Monty Python in to do some vocalsAnd Linda takes a lot of photosFor a book that gets sold outBefore she even thought of putting it outAnd John, who was never the quiet oneMakes all his press contributions from his old songsIn tune, in timeBut with a new backing track recorded behind himWhen they ask him how it's been in the studioHe says, well, "It's been a hard day's night"No one understands him, but he always was the cryptic oneWhen the Beatles hit AmericaWhen the Beatles hit AmericaAnd finally the record hits the shelvesAnd it's called "The Beatle—From Ourselves"And for anyone who didn't realize or knowIt sounded a lot like ELOOr ELP, or FYC, or XTC, or REM, or BTO, or PIL, or YMOBut it didn't sound much like PSIDidn't sound much like "P. S. I Love You"And the day before the big gig at CheThe rumour goes roundPeople are saying that they’re not going to playThat the whole thing’s been a big insurance scamTo get the Apple reissues selling againVery cynicalBut suddenly we’re over in the stadiumWe're live on MTV, BBC, CNNNot anymore, actually, now it'd be a pay-per-viewAnd Wolf Blitzer's there, and Bernard Shaw is there for CNNHe's going, "I'm under the table at Che Stadium"And the lights go down and the, and the screaming stopsAnd suddenly you can hear a pin dropYeah, suddenly they're thereAll four of themAnd I get scaredAs they go into "I Saw Her Standing There"They crash through the best set in the worldAnd they encore with the whole of Sergeant Pepper'sIn order, and they're godsAnd I'm in heavenThe Beatles have reunitedBut on the very last chord of "A Day in the Life"The Beatles are beamed off into outer spaceInto a waiting spaceship, folksWhich takes them to a better placeA place where reunions are not expected of anybodyNot even The Eagles, thank God andThis is my dreamI bought itI bought the productAnd now I'm happyYou can believe what you likeBut it happenedThat’s all folksIt'll probably happen againAnd sadlyWhen the Beatles hit AmericaWhen the Beatles hit AmericaThey're gonna be supported by The Velvet UndergroundWhen the Beatles hit AmericaWhen the Beatles hit AmericaOne more time for MTV, yeahWhen the Beatles hit AmericaWhen the Beatles hit AmericaThank you. I should put that on an album one day, I guess.